


The worst pain is silence

by winchestersneverlose



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Hurt Peter Parker, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-28 05:09:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20058532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchestersneverlose/pseuds/winchestersneverlose
Summary: "If you're depressed we can get you help, I've been there." A dark chuckle followed with a crinkle of a smile. "Fuck, I'm still there, been going to therapy since New York, depressed since, I guess forever."This is Mr. Stark, this is safe.The smell of warm motor fluid and grease wafting through the lab, scent of coffee beans and wood.The smell of Mr. Stark, the scent of family, of home.I looked up at him through watery vision, his ever warm eyes meeting my own."Help"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Or,  Peter and Tony both struggle through trauma, both new and old.***************************************************************************************************IMPORTANT!! I am currently in the process of rewriting the first few chapters to fit the style of my newest chapter.Thanks





	1. Chapter 1

The shrill cry of the school bell reverberated throughout my skull.

Chairs pushing and scraping against linoleum floors, scuffed sneakers stomping across hallways, conversations exclaiming excitement towards the weekend. 

It was all far too loud.

I yanked down the zipper to my 3rd backpack this year, sloppily reaching for my tangled earbuds, slinging my backpack across my back, I started the short trek down the stairs to wait for Happy out front.

Insane, crazy, freaky, how much a difference the light music dancing around my ears could so easily cover the excessive noise.

"What's up, Penis?"

The pull of a earbud, yanked out of my ear, quickly followed with a thump on the back.

_I could just turn around and punch him and that would be it, no more teasing no more threats, I swallowed down the fantasy as I realized the necessity to protect spider mans identity._

"What do you want, Flash?"

The polo clad boy turned away from the chatter of his friends to face me, eyes squinted and mouth smirked, "That shit you pulled in History was stupid." The spittle flying from his mouth, landing on my collar. "I knew the fucking answer, and you just had to try to embarrass me, huh?" He stepped forward, crowding me against the gleaming lockers, "You know what I do to people who embarrass me?" Another step closer.

**If you're happy and you know it clap your hands, *Clap Clap* If you're happy and you know it clap you're hands.**

The upbeat sound set for Happy's ringtone sounded throughout the earbud still tucked in my left ear.

_Shit, I gotta go._

Ducking from Flash's menacing crowding, I dashed for the door directly in front of me.

The shiny, black, car pulled forward into the pickup lane.

Running down the steps, I bee lined for the backseat.

Only checking behind me once I was sat down with the door closed behind me.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?"

I leaned forward on my knees, still slightly trembling as the anxiety began to fade.

"Nothing, just some kids at school messing with me."

Happy glanced at me through the rear-view mirror.

"I thought you had Tony talk to the principal about that?"

_Like I would ever tell my childhood idol I could't deal with a few kids my age._

_"_Yeah, I must've just forgotten to get around to it."

Settling down in the backseat, I pulled out my homework, might as well get ahead, I guess.

I must've nodded off, as the first thing I woke up to was the slamming of the horn.

**BEEP BEEP**

"You could've just said my name or something, did'nt need to do all of that." Dragging my fist down my cheek with a yawn.

Happy chuckled, "Yeah but that wouldn't have been any fun." 

I dragged my backpack out of the seat next to me and began to stuff worn-down textbooks into the bag.

"Alright, bye Happy! See you later!"

The excitement of seeing Mr. Stark having never worn off, anticipation bubbled throughout my chest and a giddiness began to reach my head.

The automated doors slid open as I presented my very own Stark Industries badge.

"Hello Peter, Boss has requested your presence down in his lab."

I pulled on the straps of my bag, "Okay, thanks Friday!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These will eventually get longer and more thought out, a lot of this is just fleshing out ideas before they can become stronger in later chapters.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT, comments help me know what to improve and change! Also so I can collect your opinions on the story.
> 
> Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the plan, I'm going to be writing a ton of short chapters, as it is summer and I have nothing better to do, I want to start out with Peter admitting to some mental health problems to Mr. Stark, and then having things go down hill from there, because I'm evil.
> 
> May will be slightly altered, because I'm thinking it would help the story flow a little better if May is more distant from Peter and putting more focus onto Tony.
> 
> I will probably update at least once a day

I dragged my hand along the cool walls of the compound, allowing myself a moment of time before entering the lab with Tony.

This lab, once so foreign has turned into a comfort outside of my home.

The slight woosh of the soundproofed doors pushing open, filling the once silent hallway with sounds of loud music, turned up to high volume by my senses, what was a concert to me was a whispered breath to others.

Continuing down the hallway, I stepped into the warm glow of the lab.

His back to me as he fiddled with the small object on the metal table. "What's up, Kid?" The loud music screeching to a halt. 

Pop Pop Pop I cracked my knuckles and straightened my back. "Hi, Mr. Stark." Barely a whisper, Choosing to ignore the greeting than to let the underlying question of what was really up, what I was really feeling, grate on my nerves. Like shrapnel across tender heartstrings.

Tony glanced at the oil smeared rag he pulled between his fingers before looking my way, "Hey, you feelin alright?"

_Fuck, always making people worried. such a burden._

"I'm okay, just a little tired from school, excited to work on the suit though."

_Fuck was I tired exhaustion running down my bones, as anxiety pumped in my veins._

_This can't be healthy, a fucking superhero yet I still cant get myself under fucking control._

_I could tell him, I could get some help._

"-eter, hello? Anybody home? Hey?" Tony tapped on my shoulder, causing me to flinch slightly and pinch my eyes shut.

"Yeah, sorry."

Shaking my head to dissipate the fog clouding my vision.

Warm brown eyes bore into my own, "I'm not the best at this but you know you can talk to me about anything right?" He lightly placed his warm hand on my shoulder "No judgment. Ever."

_Fuck, I felt my resolve to silence crumble as tears began to well up into my eyes._

The bitter tears burning.

_My face crumpling like a child, bottom lip wavering just slightly._

"If you're depressed we can get you help, I've been there." A dark chuckle followed with a crinkle of a smile. "Fuck, I'm still there, been going to therapy since New York, depressed since, I guess forever."

_This is Mr. Stark, this is safe._

The smell of warm motor fluid and grease wafting through the lab, scent of coffee beans and wood.

The smell of Mr. Stark, the scent of family, of home.

I looked up at him through watery vision, his ever warm eyes meeting my own.

"Help"


	3. Chapter 3

"Help"

I sobbed, clapping my hand over my mouth I began to choke on the breathe moving to escape my lips.

Coughing up spit and tears.

I glanced up at Mr.Stark expecting a look of pity, maybe disgust, instead I found a look of understanding, his eyes lost in a forgotten memory of his own.

_Look, you're just making everyone sad again, what the fuck is the matter with you. Pull your fucking shit together._

Reaching down to drag my short nails over the skin of my hand, already littered with past scars from this habit, tiny crescent moons dotting the pale skin.

_Make yourself bleed, give yourself what you deserve._

Before my hand could complete its path, I felt a warm calloused hand catch my wrist.

"Yeah, no way I'm letting you do that." His eyes meeting the sight of my scarred hand, voice dropping, taking on a more gentle tone. "Hey kid- Peter, It's okay, its gonna be okay." The warm hand moving from my wrist to slowly card through my hair, pulling me into a warm embrace.

"We're gonna get through this."

Moving from the perfect spot my head had found against his chest, pressed near the reactor. 

Eyelashes heavy with tears, half lidded eyes glancing towards the inventor.

"Why do you even care, this is so fucking stupid, nothings even wrong."

_Except for the fucking crushing feeling on your lungs, the hands reaching out in your dreams, the cuts littering your thighs, his fucking face following behind my eyes. The secrets you can never let him know, not if you want him to continue holding you, the moment he finds out he'll be so disgusted he'll never touch you again, no more hugs, no more helping in the lab._

Audibly swallowing as I sank farther into the weight of my mind.

_He can never know._

The hand against my head faltered for a moment before resuming the comforting movements, "Kid I-, I don't know what to say, Why do I care? Because you are the most important person in my life? Because I love you like a son?"

_He loves me? _

"You love me?"

"Of course I love you kid.", "How about this, we tell May what's going on and then we go from there."

_Fuck, can't tell May, can't let her know how shitty I am, dragging everyone into my problems._

"Can we not let her know?" 

Tony sighed, "Pete, you know she loves you, -"

_Doubtful_

"She just wants you to be happy." A hand on my back, tugging me back to the loving hug. "Okay, you know what, because you trusted me, we are going to do this the way you want to. We can tell her tomorrow if that's better."

_Fuck, tomorrow?_

"Tomorrow? Does that mean I can sleep here tonight?" My voice muffled against the worn t-shirt, thick with the mucus in my throat.

"Kid, you know you're welcome here whenever you want."

_He's just being nice, that doesn't mean you can just sit here and annoy him all day, how could you be so selfish?_

Yet the thought of cool sheets beneath me and a thick comforter draping over my shoulders sounded so appealing.

"Mr.Stark?"

"Yeah, Peter?"

"Can I go to bed? I'm so tired" The last sentence more of a whisper as the fear and honesty began to swirl in my head.

_Wow, I really am tired._

Like the question was a sign for my body to began to collapse the exhaustion slammed into me.

"Yeah, let me know if you need anything, I'll be home all of tomorrow, don't worry about sleeping in."

I felt his concerned look as I shuffled to my room.

_Look what you've done, you made him sad, brought up bad memories. You monster._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's POV

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck._

_What place are you in to be helping Peter? You can't even help yourself? When's the last time you ate? showered? slept? Fuck._

_Who the fuck do you think you are?_

_About to ruin yet another thing. No, no. You can't ruin Peter, he's impossible to ruin._

I sat, back to the cooling surface of the cabinet, knees straight, legs directly in front of myself.

I felt myself be pulled into memory after memory.

**FLASHBACK **

A woman's screams filled the silence of my mind.

Not any woman, my mother, the woman left as a ghost from her constant opioid use.

_Fuck, looks like you let her down too, drowning problems with drugs and alcohol, who does that sound like?_

The shrieks grew louder, beer bottles slamming down. 

Crash Crash Crash

I flinched as if I was there.

"MARIA?" The loud voice boomed.

_Fuck, Howard still scared me, as if I was still a kid._

I whimpered as the scene continued to play in my head.

I watched through the hazy vision in my mind, as my mother grabbed a shard of glass from the littered ground.

The sharp edge gleaming in the light pouring into the room through the cracks in the curtains as the sun began to set, bathing the scene in a warm orange.

She took the glass and began to trace it lightly over her arm. 

_Can't believe I saw this when I was 12, no wonder I'm so fucked up._

The glass slipped into my mothers arm as she applied pressure, she glanced up, eyes rimmed red with missed sleep and tears.

"FUCK YOU, YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF? I'LL FUCKING KILL MYSELF"

My father sneered at the pathetic mess my mother was, snagging a bottle of some unknown poison in the form of alcohol and trudged off to his massive room.

_Fuck shes going to fucking bleed out._

At this point the feelings and terror became to real to be able to discern this from reality.

Trapped within my own mind I raced towards the woman slumped against the broken chair, ripped off my shirt and pressed against the wound.

"JARVIS, JARVIS, HELP SOMEONE HELP ME."

_Please someone help me, someone, help, help, please. _

"Tony? Tony! Hey snap out of it, it isn't real."

I felt my shoulders shake, my head lolling as rough hands pressed into my shoulder blades.

_Huh? Why is it so bright in here? There's no blood? Why are my cheeks wet?_

I pawed at my cheeks

_Why am I crying?_

"Hey Tony? You with me?"

I glanced up.

_Banner?_

"What happened?"

_Help me, what just happened?_

"Tony, you just had a panic attack, and what looks like a flashback."

I smiled just slightly, the left side of my lip raising up.

_Oh nice, a panic attack, right in front of Banner._

_Why am I smiling? What the fuck is wrong with me._

I felt myself crumple with sobs, allowing myself to be hugged loosely on the floor of my lab by Bruce.

"Hey, Tony, it's okay, you're alright, I'm here now."

"Bruce, it it it- fuck, It felt so real."

Through my watery words I heard a soft scrape, I looked up to catch Peter worryingly glancing down at me, a look of pure terror and guilt on his face.

As he caught my glance he began to turn away and run.

"Hey, Peter, Stop!"

_Well fuck._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to also have this chapter in Tony's POV

Bruce sighed as he watched the scene unfold, the warm air exhaled into the short hairs on my head.

"I should go talk to him, he shouldn't have had to seen that." I moved to get up, lifting my head and stretching my legs which had been previously tucked close to my chin

A gentle hand on my forearm, "I can have someone check in on him, but we need to talk about what just happened, you know you deserve to get better too?"

_Merchant of death. _

_Merchant of death._

_Stop playing pretend hero._

Bruce lightly shifted their bodies, while making sure to keep connected to help ground Tony. "You know I can hear you thinking right now,even if fucked up shit has happened, or if you have done some fucked up shit, you still dont' deserve to be in pain."

_Merchant of death_

_Alcoholic_

_Drug addict_

_Wash up_

_Loser_

_Broken_

A broken sob fell from my mouth, "Bruce, I can't keep fucking doing this, you know? I can't, I just- Fuck." I pushed down on the bruises I had gotten from working in the lab.

Relishing the way the pain felt

_Fuck, didn't I just stop Peter from doing this shit_

I dropped my fist to my lap

"You wanna tell me what happened now?" "No Judgement."

I sniffled 

"Uh- Uhm, yeah- sorry one second."

I pinched my eyes closed and tipped my head towards the ceiling.

_You can tell him_

_This is Bruce, he already knows all of this anyways, he's already helped you._

_"_It was about my parents, they were just fighting, regular throwing shit around, you know, just throwing shit around."

_And your mother threatening to kill herself, you at 12 watching her almost bleed into the beige carpet in your family home._

Bruce sighed, "Did anything else happen? This panic attack seemed worse than the ones you get normally."

_Tell him._

"Uh-, no? Okay yes. My mom threatened to kill herself, she uhm, she slit her wrists?"

The man holding him tightened his grip, "Fuck" he whispered. "How old were you Tony?"

"12"

"Jesus Christ. You know what set off the memory?"

Guilt flashed through my heart as I remembered the broken way Peter had begged for help, reminding me of a much younger me, barely younger than Peter, yelling for help on that stupid blood stained carpet.

"Peter and I were talking about depression and stuff."

Another sigh from the older man, "Stuff?"

"Yeah. Stuff."

A quiet humm resonated from the quite scientist, "You know, I'm not that type of doctor, but I could ask him a couple questions, maybe get him on some meds. Maybe get you on some medication too, PTSD is some serious stuff."

_Wait a minute? PTSD? I dont have PTSD_

"I don't have PTSD."

Bruce shifted once again, their bodies beginning to be too old to sit like this on the floor, "Tony, considering the panic attacks I've witnessed you have I am willing to bet you do have it, besides it's not a bad thing. Doesn't make you anymore weak, most people who fight have it. You fight, a lot of us have it."

_Right, why would I have PTSD. I don't deserve to have it, don't deserve to be coddled for feeling bad about the things I have done._

As I began to calm down from the heavy panic attack a thought hit me

"Oh shit, I have to go check on Peter."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about switching it to 3rd person  
let me know what you think

Peter raked his hand through the unruly curls that had begin to spill from his head from too many missed haircuts, May had insisted on the boy letting her pay for them, but Peter had batted her off, telling her it was fine. He had convinced Tony through many embarrassing conversations that it was a fashion choice, and no, it wasn't a money thing.

The teen trekked down the long hallway towards the bedroom that had been specially created for him, posters littered the robin blue room, everything with slightly muted colors to help dull the boys sensitive eyes. 

As soon as he sat down, readjusted himself, creating a cocoon of soft luxury pillows and blankets, he heard a scream. The type of scream that only was heard in true desperation.

Springing up, Peter started off down the corridor, focused on finding the mentor that would always make him feel safe, the thought that it could be Tony screaming like that never crossed his mind.

As he neared the lab, scientist Bruce Banner jogged past, Peter hid behind the wall, Bruce too focused on meeting the screams passed him easily, not catching sight of the boy.

Focusing, Peter used his sense to zone in on hearing. Soft pants followed by harsh breathes filled his mind, whimpers of pain and distress, then the cool calm voice of the Scientist.

"Tony?" "Is that you?"

A whisper, barely audible even to the enhanced boy, "oh jesus."

Peter hung back, lost in thoughts of his own.

_You probably did something_

_Mr. Stark is crying_

_Guess who's fault that is_

Peter has no idea how much time has passed by as he slowly inches his way closer to the half ajar lab entrance, Friday too focused on her boss to shut the door. The sight he is met with is truly horrific, a seemingly half conscious, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, curled against Dr. Banner, wracked with sobs, the look of freshly escaped nightmares fresh on the usually smug face.

The younger boy scraped the locking mechanism on the door, causing both men on the floor to glance his way.

_Fuck, I gotta get out of here_

Taking off into a run, Peter locked himself into his quarters.

Barely registering the soft stream of tears cascading down his face, the tears creating sticky tracks, snot running down his noise. 

"Friday?"

The female Irish voice filtered through the room, "Yes, Peter?"

"Can you lock the door? And let me know if anyone is coming towards my room?"

The AI hesitated, too human for the label of artificial. "Yes, but I will have to alert Boss if you attempt to hurt yourself."

_Fuck, even obvious to Friday_

Peter crossed the spacious room, far bigger than the one at home. He paced, deliberately taking his time, hoping his mind would talk him out of the ideas swirling in his head.

Crossing to the large window, big enough for Peter to fit through, specially designed for his patrolling. The boy tugged the latch and lifted the window, before he left through the gap, Peter raced to the bathroom and reached the satin bag from under the sink where he kept sensitive things, such as condoms, still left unused.

Memories of Mr.Stark presenting him the small foil packets, the smirk as he proclaimed he'd rather him be safe than sorry, and this way he didn't have to let May know if he was about to try something new.

He continued to dig through the small bag before finding his way to the cool metal of a razor blade. Pocketing the blade and replacing the bag, Peter continued to the window.

One leg out, dangling above the city, Peter swayed before grabbing tight to the metal rod trailing down the building, as he began to climb down, aided by his ability to stick to surfaces.

And that's when Tony reached the boys room, the young boy too far down the building to hear Fridays alerts of a visitor.

Tony rattled the handle, locked?

"Friday, unlock the door."

"Boss, Peter has requested the door to be locked."

"Override."

The door unlocked with a pop and a hiss.

Tony entered the room and crossed to the open window, soft yellow curtains blowing from the wind pouring through the opening, and that's how Tony found Peter halfway down the Tower.


End file.
